Behind the Curve – 2016 Democratic National Convention
Seriously, what the actual f@#k?
In case you’ve been trapped in some pocket dimension for the last few months, the Republican Party has nominated a racist, misogynist, thin-skinned, ignorant narcissist for president(whose name I choose not to mention here, because frankly he gets enough media attention). This man has spoken about minority groups in a way reminiscent of Hitler’s Germany. He’s insulted war veterans and disabled journalists. He’s retweeted white supremacists and expressed admiration for brutal dictators like Kim Jong-un and Saddam Hussien. He has advocated torture and other war crimes. He appears to know next to nothing about government, or indeed anything other than media manipulation. And his wealth, his sole claim to competency, was mostly inherented, not gained through business prowess. His actual business ventures are a series of bankruptcies and ethically questionable ventures so abysmal they would have landed him in the poor house if it wasn’t nearly impossible for rich people in America to become poor.
On paper, this should be the easiest election the Democratic Party has ever won. But the last polls I saw show Hillary Clinton and her opponent – let’s call him “Lumpy” – neck and neck.
Seriously: What the actual f@#k?
First of all, it takes a special kind of stupid to nominate the only person in the Democratic Party as universally despised as Lumpy. I know that Bernie was pretty radical (for America, anyway) and Martin O’Malley was about as exciting as watching a documentary about khakis, but neither of them are actively hated by half the country.
Granted, I never fully understood why people hate Hillary so much. They say she’s corrupt and a liar, which might be true, but I haven’t seen anything to convince me she’s any more corrupt than the next politician. The email scandal is often mentioned, but that always felt like a purely bureaucratic screw up to me, the definition of a “nonissue” that has been blown up for partisan reasons. Republicans wouldn’t have made a peep if it was done by one of their own. I suspect the hatred of Hillary is more based on emotion than fact.
But honestly it doesn’t matter why. What matters is that a lot of people don’t like her. Democrats had an opportunity to win over Republican voters who don’t like Lumpy, and they f@#ked it up by nominating someone they hate just as much, if not more. I know certain NeverLumpy folks who might have voted for the Democratic nominee if it was literally anyone else. But choosing Hillary has created an impression for many people that both candidates are equally bad or dishonest. A false equivalency if ever there was one, but it exists in a lot of people’s minds. And it didn’t have to.
Democrats: What. The. F@#k?
And then those WikiLeaks emails came out and revealed that DNC officials were actively working against the Sanders campaign. What the f@#k!? Leaving aside the dodgy ethics and blistering idiocy of doing something like that (seriously, Clinton probably would have won anyway), are they so committed to losing this election that they have to put a hit out on the only Democratic candidate in the running who’s exciting and likeable enough to jump-start the liberal base? Seriously?
You know, I supported Bernie. And I used to think that the “anti-Clinton” Bernie supporters were being ridiculous. “He lost fair and square,” I used to say, “We need to focus on stopping Lumpy.” Now what the f@#k do I say to them? How can I blame people for being f@#king furious? How can I blame people for getting fed up and pledging to stay home on election or vote for third party candidates rather than supporting this rigged system?
What the f@#k?
And how are you going to win those voters back, Hillary? With f@#king Tim Kaine? A man who’s as exciting as watching unedited raw footage from the khaki documentary? Here’s some Politics 101: Democrats tend to win when there’s a high voter turnout. There’s a high voter turnout when people are excited about the Democratic ticket (i.e., Obama in 2008). Obviously progressives aren’t thrilled about Hillary, but a running mate like Bernie or Elizabeth Warren might have smoothed things over. Gotten people excited. But who the f@#k is excited about Tim Kaine?
Hats off to Bernie, by the way, for being so mature at the Convention after the DNC emails leaked. He didn’t withdraw his support for Hillary Clinton or do anything dramatically divisive, even though many of his supporters wanted that. He stayed on message and reiterated his commitment to stopping Lumpy. Think about that: Literally the only Democrat with his eyes on the prize is actually an independent.
So good on you, Bernie.
But Democrats? Just… Just what the f@#k?
- Movie: From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) – Monday, September 5
- Game: Portal (Valve Corporation, 2007) – Monday, September 12
- Documentary: Sky Line (2015) – Monday, September 19
- Book: The Restaurant at the End of the Universe (Douglas Adams, 1980) – Monday, September 26
- Wild Card! – Monday, October 31